I post a LOT on social media. I'd like to say it's for any one specific reason, but there are myriad of reasons that I over-post and over-share. I grew up staying quiet because of my stutter, so writing is the only way I know how to effectively communicate. And I get social anxiety, so … Continue reading A Burden
This has been a difficult week. I'm phasing out my Zoloft in favor of a non-SSRI drug that's mainly used for seizures and bipolar disorder, but we're trying it for depression because SSRIs have been a total bust so far. Also a guy was really shitty to me when I was being really vulnerable. And … Continue reading On Social Media
I've been doing pretty alright with Zoloft lately until...I wasn't. And now I'm still not. I can't focus on anything, and there are only a few things that can briefly pull me out of the dark cloud. When I get like this, it's a vicious cycle. My mood is down, so that's all I can … Continue reading Just one of those days
“One two three four five six seen eight one two three four five six seen eight ” every time I walk, I’m counting in eights. That’s the “right” number, and the one that I have to repeat over and over until I’m jolted out of my inner counter, usually because I’m finally sitting down. I’m … Continue reading OCD, Explained from Inside my Brain
On Tuesday of this week, I was feeling WONDERFUL. I woke up a full half hour before my alarm, fully rested and read to get up. I showered ( a rarity for me these days), picked out a clean outfit, and did my makeup. That's what wonderful amounts to for me right now, and I … Continue reading Ups and Downs (I hate writing titles)
When I first decided to quit drinking for a year, I started as any librarian would do: by doing research online. And by "research online" I mean Google. The overwhelming amount of hits came from Alcoholics Anonymous, and based on the search results, AA seemed to be the only solution to drinking, so I looked … Continue reading Joining In, Jumping Out
As of today, I am 31 days without alcohol. I don't like using the word "sober" for reasons I can't put my finger on. It feels too clinical. But I guess it's accurate. At this point one month ago, I was in the Kaiser Chinatown hospital after trying to hurt myself (more stitches, more embarrassing … Continue reading One Month In
Both of these were big moments in my day. The peppermint tea may have been the most important, and the most difficult. Backstory: In 2018, I promised myself I would cut back on drinking. I had let it become a routine, where I came home and had a glass of wine. Before 2018, I was … Continue reading Today I Got Stitches Removed and had a Peppermint Tea
This week's Terrible Writing Prompt: Empathy. I struggle with the idea of empathy- what it means towards others and myself. I like to think I have it in spades, which instantly makes me feel like a holier-than-thou jerk. Which, I think, means I don't have a lot of empathy for myself. Which makes me feel … Continue reading Empathy
I have heard that "no" is a full sentence. I read this in magazines, on blogs, in self-help books. You can say no, and you don't owe anyone an explanation. I know this, but I've never really believed it. With a brain that tells me I need to apologize for even existing, just refusing something … Continue reading Why is saying “no” so hard?
