Thing I Have Confused Hydroxyzine With

They gave me hydroxyzine at the hospital. It’s an anti-anxiety medication and I hated it. It made me tired and gave me awful nightmares that I couldn’t really distinguish from reality. But trying to describe it was tough because I couldn’t remember what it was called. Here are a few things I’ve confused it with:

1- Halcion

2- Hydroxycut

3- Hydrogen

4- Hydroxyzine, but I was sure that wasn’t its real name

2017…Let’s Try This Again

I come and go from blogging (and writing in general), but there are a couple of things from the garbage disaster of last year that have made me reconsider and I think that having a sort of public facing writing will make me accountable, at least a little bit.

1- I like writing and it makes me feel normal.

2- I might forget a lot of things soon, so I want to have a record of a few things that I can come back to, in case I start to question the treatment road I’m taking. Anyway, it’s 2am.

2- New year, new me, etc.

OMG Iceland again? Yah, and not for the last time.

Ok, so day three…still in Iceland, my first full day in the country, having arrived at goddamn 4am the day before. Finally in possession of a European charge adapter from the Brynja hardware store



(which reminded me of my brother, for obvious reasons), I walked down to the Viking statue at the harbor, with the one playlist I downloaded on Spotify on repeat. It’s my wallowing playlist. Wallow doesn’t always have to be a bummer, right? Some of it is wallowing in the normal way, but also there’s that wallow you do when you have some really good music that makes you feel like this stranger has written it just for you, or even better- that they wrote it for themselves, which means there’s someone else that feels it, too. Both are important.
I sat there for awhile watching the water, which is my favorite thing to do I the world, third only to actually being on the water, which is second only to skipping rocks into the ocean. Bit of an ocean theme It turns out people love to ask a seemingly innocent lady sitting all by herself watching water to take their photo. One kind couple insisted they take my photo too. Posing by yourself is awkward AF.


So I had a big day planned. Mostly museums. One about penises(!), one about elves, and one about photography. I started at the photography exhibit, which, as it turned, out, was on the top floor of the Reykjavik public library. It was nice- lots of photos of rural Icelandic farmers, and children from the mid-20th century. I returned to the ground floor to search for wifi- I was told at the LITTLE guesthouse that they had free wifi and I need my fix at all times. Not that I wasn’t happy with my wallowing playlist, but I thought a chance of pace was in order. Well, that was the pretense anyway. For god’s sake, fine: I have my library degree and I just wanted to walk around in a public library. There was one shelf of English-language material, which include When Breath Becomes Air, a memoir of sorts that I’d heard about on a blog I follow, and had read excerpts of in the NYT. I thought I’d sit a minute and see if it was worth picking up back home. Sitting on a sort of comfy tiger print ottoman in the children’s section, I spent the next two hours reading the entire thing.


And that’s the beauty of traveling alone. It was one of my favorite days.

Friday, But More Of It

Sitting on a megabus at the moment- a bottle of Lucozade (or as I keep calling it “Lidocaine”) propping up my arm, my seatmate snoozing comfortably (you an tell because he’s got his shirt up and is rubbing his belly while he snores) and this silly little travel keyboard that keeps folding up on itself, but I’ve worked out a system that lets me hit the right keys without closing it up and that would absolutely cause carpal tunnel syndrome if I did it for longer than the length of this bus ride (5 hours, for what that’s worth) and might anyway, tbh. 
So as good as that cream cheese was, that first full day in Reykjavk got EVEN BETTER. After I left the coffee shop, I found my little (LITTLE) guest house, dropped off my bag, and met Árni for lunch. Árni is an Icelander, living just outside the city. He took me me Parliament (very small), City Hall (with the COOLEST 3-D model of Iceland that has little markings where people live. SPOILER ALERT: like five people live in Iceland. Here’s one bit of the map:

We also walked past the local jail, which tbh had pretty nice architecture. I bet it’s like the jail Leslie Knope’s has to spend the night in after she gets in a fight with Parker Posey. After all that , Árni dropped me off at a church that looks like an organ:

It also has an organ but that’s not the point. The point is that for some amount of money (idk how much, the USD/ISK conversion rate is supah confusing. Maybe 9 bucks?), you can take an elevator to the top and look out over the whole city. Being that it’s the highest point in Reykjavik, this means that you get QUITE a view. Also, I have no idea if it’s actually the highest point in Reykjavik, but that feels right. 

So that being done, I wandered back to the LITTLE guesthouse to make up for being awake for over 24 hours by catching a nap. Anyone who knows me at all knows that sleep is my favorite thing in the entire world and I could easily have passed out long enough to overstay my visa and cause an international incident, but instead, I peeled myself up after two hours and went down to meet Satu, whom I had never met in person (friend of a friend kind of thing), but with who I have so much in common, including, importantly at the time, enjoying sushi. Including the piece that looked like Donald Trump. 

After that, I went back to the LITTLE guesthouse, fell asleep, and just woke up, five days later. JK, but I am tired again so I’ll finish this later. 

Proof of Life and Icelandic Dairy

I’m in Iceland! And alive! We live in the digital age so I don’t have a copy of today’s newspaper to hold up so you’ll just have to trust me. 

I didn’t realize until about a week ago that while my flight was scheduled to leave LAX at noon on Thursday, it wouldn’t arrive in Iceland until Friday morning. It took me this long to realize this because as of about a week ago minus a few minutes, I hadn’t booked my hotel. On the bright side, that means one fewer night I have to pay for. On the even brighter side, that means I have successfully leaned into my plan to just go with the flow on this trip. 

I am what you would call an “obsessive planner” type of traveller. But this trip is funny in that I’m here by myself, a fact that thrills my parents who prefer that someone be around to alert the proper authorities if I find myself the victim of a murder, kidnapping, or any sort of road or fjord based injury. But  And so I decided to use this chance to become the kind of person who just wanders about, brings just a carry on (more on that later) and refers to any hiccups along the way as “adventures”. 

I now have my lodging here taken care of and as of yesterday, a place to stay in London, but are some things I still do not know: 

  • How long I’m staying in London
  • Where I’m going after London but before Manchester 
  • How I will get to wherever I end up deciding to go
  • What I’m doing tomorrow
  • What I’m doing on Sunday
  • How to say anything in Icelandic beyond “sorry”, “hello” and “banana”

Here is what I do know:

  • That Icelandic cream cheese is a goddamn dream: 

My First Cooking Post

Can be found here.

Check it out…if you have a little…THYME



Enjoy, or don’t.

Onion Headlines about Serious Things

When really, really bad things happen and I start to get overwhelmed by the endless barrage of news “updates” (“Exclusive: suspect’s former pre-k cubby buddy ‘never saw this coming'”) and all of the social media nonsenseary, I know there’s only thing that will make me feel better: The Onion.

So here are my favorite Onion headlines and stories about really, really serious and/or depressing shit:

Judge Rules White Girl Will Be Tried As Black Adult

Sudanese 14-Year-Old Has Midlife Crisis

Fuck Everything, Nation Reports

God Angrily Clarifies ‘Don’t Kill’ Rule

Hijackers Surprised To Find Selves In Hell

‘No Way To Prevent This,’ Says Only Nation Where This Regularly Happens

Nation To Try Channeling Outrage Over Gun Control Into Issue That Can Actually Be Addressed

The Onion’s Tips For Passing Gun Control Legislation