The In-Between Post

This is a hard one and while it's taking me awhile to articulate it correctly, I'm physically incapable of not at least trying to write it all out (see also: my entire online history). Like when Opus the penguin discovers he doesn't need to fly to be an important bird, I discovered that while I …

Depression in the time of Coronavirus

I'm writing from my bedroom, the only place in the house that doesn't give me anxiety. But it's a tradeoff, because this is absolutely an incubation space for depression. The same view, the same mess, the same routine. It is mind-numbingly boring. But that's not the main event. It's just opened up space in my …

And Now for Something Completely Different- Cats! The Movie.

I saw Cats! today. Aside from teaching myself the opening notes to Memories on my parents' grand piano (brag), I know nothing about Cats!. I almost typed that I knew nothing about Cats!, but having spent the past hour + watching the movie, I still know nothing about Cats!. I do know, however, that the …

I want to get off the ride, please. OCD and Why I’m Sleepy and Failing

For the last three months, I have been tired. I mean fall-asleep-at-any-moment, can't-think-straight tired. At first I chalked it up to a sudden uptick in the "doing things" category of my life: conference in Florida, visits from friends, two weekend writing classes at once, getting sick, more travel, more people in town (PLEASE note, I …

A Burden

I post a LOT on social media. I'd like to say it's for any one specific reason, but there are myriad of reasons that I over-post and over-share. I grew up staying quiet because of my stutter, so writing is the only way I know how to effectively communicate. And I get social anxiety, so …

On Social Media

This has been a difficult week. I'm phasing out my Zoloft in favor of a non-SSRI drug that's mainly used for seizures and bipolar disorder, but we're trying it for depression because SSRIs have been a total bust so far. Also a guy was really shitty to me when I was being really vulnerable. And …

Just one of those days

I've been doing pretty alright with Zoloft lately until...I wasn't. And now I'm still not. I can't focus on anything, and there are only a few things that can briefly pull me out of the dark cloud. When I get like this, it's a vicious cycle. My mood is down, so that's all I can …

OCD, Explained from Inside my Brain

“One two three four five six seen eight one two three four five six seen eight ” every time I walk, I’m counting in eights. That’s the “right” number, and the one that I have to repeat over and over until I’m jolted out of my inner counter, usually because I’m finally sitting down. I’m …

Ups and Downs (I hate writing titles)

On Tuesday of this week, I was feeling WONDERFUL. I woke up a full half hour before my alarm, fully rested and read to get up. I showered ( a rarity for me these days), picked out a clean outfit, and did my makeup. That's what wonderful amounts to for me right now, and I …

Joining In, Jumping Out

When I first decided to quit drinking for a year, I started as any librarian would do: by doing research online. And by "research online" I mean Google. The overwhelming amount of hits came from Alcoholics Anonymous, and based on the search results, AA seemed to be the only solution to drinking, so I looked …