The sleepy side of anxiety

It's 11:18 and I have to be up at 7. Which is fine, except that I don't run very well on less than 8 hours of sleep. Such a delicate thing, I am. I got home from work and everything was fine. I even have some exciting things on the horizon- I'm starting a new …

It’s ok to not be okay

It’s been awhile since I’ve written anything and it’s not like nothing has happened- it’s just that I feel kind of dumb for writing anything at all, including everything I’ve ready written. That’s the up and down of it all. Sometimes you feel ok about rushing it all out there and sometimes it feels dumb. …

What We Wish You Knew About Depression. Love, Depressed People

Last week I was at a conference talking to an old friend over deep dish pizza (HELLO, CHICAGO!) and depression came up, as it does with me. Despite being so unable to shut up about it that I have both a blog and a podcast about it, I was at a loss when she asked …

Suicide

Maybe it's really been dominating the news; maybe it's how I've curated my online world. Either way,  celebrity suicide deaths seem to be everywhere (including the recent, like Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain. And with that, retelling the stories of others). Along with that comes reflection and endless opinions. So here's mine: there isn't one …

Partial Hospitalization, Part 1

I would arrive at the Chinatown Kaiser in the morning, never sure if I was allowed to park in the visitors’ spots. I mean, I’d be leaving later that day so why not? The last time I was there I was solidly, undeniably a patient, unable to leave the Unit III floor without an escort …

Being Sick but Being Good At It

In April of 2011, I was finishing up my MLIS and preparing to transition to working full-time in the office where I had been a student employee for two years. I knew that the level of anxiety that I had reached on a day-to-day basis would make my work there useless, so I thought I'd …

Girl, Perpetually Interrupted

That's what I'm calling the month of March 26-April 20. Or maybe "Girl, FUCKING Interrupted AGAIN UGH". Anyway. I thought I'd sort of write up a quick heads up, just in case I'm not around much...or am around way too much. I'm not sure which way I'll go. I am already a VERY frequent user …

How I Got “Those Scars”

If you're uncomfortable with reading about self-harm and/or really bad depression... there's some pretty funny stuff up on McSweeney's today, maybe check that out instead of this. Otherwise...I have three scars on my left wrist- two on the inside and one on the outside- that are just over a month or so old. There's another, …

It’s Not Just About Me

When you're in the middle of a white drug-like spell of anxiety or a weighty cloud of depression, it's hard to see outside of your own world. Getting out of bed its a herculean effort. Answering emails takes at least a couple minutes of psyching yourself up. Depression and anxiety are very solitary experiences. You don't …

Carrie, a Year Later

A year ago yesterday, I went to the Grove for the first time since I was a junior in college. That morning, one of my best friends and I went to get coffee the morning after making the mistake of mixing cheap vodka will Red Bull, in a way that only 20 year old undergrads …