Joining In, Jumping Out

When I first decided to quit drinking for a year, I started as any librarian would do: by doing research online. And by "research online" I mean Google. The overwhelming amount of hits came from Alcoholics Anonymous, and based on the search results, AA seemed to be the only solution to drinking, so I looked …

One Month In

As of today, I am 31 days without alcohol. I don't like using the word "sober" for reasons I can't put my finger on. It feels too clinical. But I guess it's accurate. At this point one month ago, I was in the Kaiser Chinatown hospital after trying to hurt myself (more stitches, more embarrassing …

Today I Got Stitches Removed and had a Peppermint Tea

Both of these were big moments in my day. The peppermint tea may have been the most important, and the most difficult. Backstory: In 2018, I promised myself I would cut back on drinking. I had let it become a routine, where I came home and had a glass of wine. Before 2018, I was …

Empathy

This week's Terrible Writing Prompt: Empathy. I struggle with the idea of empathy- what it means towards others and myself. I like to think I have it in spades, which instantly makes me feel like a holier-than-thou jerk. Which, I think, means I don't have a lot of empathy for myself. Which makes me feel …

Why is saying “no” so hard?

I have heard that "no" is a full sentence. I read this in magazines, on blogs, in self-help books. You can say no, and you don't owe anyone an explanation. I know this, but I've never really believed it. With a brain that tells me I need to apologize for even existing, just refusing something …

How are you, really?

I joined a writing club, where they text you prompts for journaling. And what better place to do that than here? This week's prompt: HOW ARE YOU, REALLY? I'm tired. I've always had a hard time getting out of bed, but even more so lately. I go to bed around 9pm and hit snooze at …

I Was on a Podcast

I was on a podcast this week called "Terrible, Thanks for Asking". It's here. I'd love it if you'd listen to it. In my episode, I talk about stuttering, and what it's meant to me over the years. I tried to be as honest as I could about how frustrating stuttering can be, while trying …

The sleepy side of anxiety

It's 11:18 and I have to be up at 7. Which is fine, except that I don't run very well on less than 8 hours of sleep. Such a delicate thing, I am. I got home from work and everything was fine. I even have some exciting things on the horizon- I'm starting a new …

It’s ok to not be okay

It’s been awhile since I’ve written anything and it’s not like nothing has happened- it’s just that I feel kind of dumb for writing anything at all, including everything I’ve ready written. That’s the up and down of it all. Sometimes you feel ok about rushing it all out there and sometimes it feels dumb. …

What We Wish You Knew About Depression. Love, Depressed People

Last week I was at a conference talking to an old friend over deep dish pizza (HELLO, CHICAGO!) and depression came up, as it does with me. Despite being so unable to shut up about it that I have both a blog and a podcast about it, I was at a loss when she asked …