Girl, Perpetually Interrupted

That’s what I’m calling the month of March 26-April 20. Or maybe “Girl, FUCKING Interrupted AGAIN UGH”. Anyway. I thought I’d sort of write up a quick heads up, just in case I’m not around much…or am around way too much. I’m not sure which way I’ll go.

I am already a VERY frequent user of social media. If you’re reading this, you’re probably all too familiar with that. I wish I could be sorry. I’m not. Anyway. I’ve only mentioned this a couple time, opting instead to talk about fun adventures and funny things I’ve seen/heard/thought about. Because this isn’t going to be fun. It’ll be funny, in an “if my life wasn’t funny it would just be true”, Carrie Fisher sort of way, but again: anyway.

I’m starting a program next week. It’s a little unclear about what this program involves, but I know that it’s through Kaiser (my current* insurance carrier). I know that it’s two weeks’ worth of 8-3, five days per week. I know that after those two weeks it’s another two weeks of the same, but fewer days/week.

Instead of going to work, I will wake up every weekday and drive to Downtown LA to attend what basically amounts to a workday, but one that starts with stretching and meditation. But that’s where the “oh it’s one of those kinds of places” ends. It’s not one of those places. I checked those places out, and they cost about 20k. I don’t know what my copay for this is. It’s not 20k. Maybe a couple hundred dollars that I’ll need to scare up from somewhere (I’m really looking forward to taking real vacations again- ones that don’t involve twin beds and no sharp object rules and checking-under-your-tongue medication schedules). Whiiiiiiich reminds me I still owe Kaiser $250 for the pleasure of watching a screaming man rip his gown off and spit at a nurse. But again again: anyway.

I don’t have a lot to say about it yet not having started, but I know it involves a LOT of “group”. I don’t know about group(s). I don’t know who else will be there, and that makes all the difference. In my first hospital stay I learned in “group” that I don’t seem like I’m depressed. I guess I kind of knew that, but I didn’t realize that even mental health professionals can’t spot it. But it was helpful. Even that was helpful. I remember my friend, the 18 year old manic Trump supporter who slipped her cuffs and threatened to kill herself in a fight with her boyfriend over…something I can’t recall…was there.

The second time “group” nearly sent me into a case of super-depression. I don’t even remember much, it was that depressing. So there’s groups, and there’s lunch (anything under $5 in the cafeteria is free, then you’re on your own, which…will I be having a single potato chip for lunch? I feel like they need to adjust for the fact that it’s not 1970). And there’s one-on-ones with a psychiatrist, so I might find a good medication mix after all! Or at the very least it’s someone new I can impress with my total lack of memory regarding what I’ve already been on.

So. That’s what’s up next. I’m so completely overwhelmed trying to get my paperwork in order and my taxes done and my financial planning done and work projects finished, etc. etc. etc. I’m sure I’ll have lots to say once it starts. For now…I think I’m going to refer to this as my Girl, Interrupted Again phase, in the same way ECT is my Eternal Sunshining. This is LA and everything has a movie connection, you know. It’d be cool if my next one was more of a Wizard of Oz, or Blue Crush** situation. Something a little brighter. BUT that’s the point of all of this other stuff.

This post doesn’t really have a nice wrap-up, or even a point, I just needed to get that all written down. And now I have, so I think it’s time for a nap, where I will be dreaming about my $5 Kaiser cafeteria feasts!

*oh my god I’m getting outta this HMO as soon as I possibly can…end of the calendar year.

 

*oh my GOD why didn’t I think of The Endless Summer? Why is BLUE CRUSH at the forefront of my brain!?

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