I’ve been doing pretty alright with Zoloft lately until…I wasn’t. And now I’m still not. I can’t focus on anything, and there are only a few things that can briefly pull me out of the dark cloud.
When I get like this, it’s a vicious cycle. My mood is down, so that’s all I can think about, and then I feel guilty for being sad over “nothing”. Never mind that I’m actually sad because my brain doesn’t produce enough serotonin. My life is objectively good (minus the depression, anxiety, and OCD- but that’s just me whining, right?), so what do I have to be sad about? I’ve been trying to put my finger on it and all I can come up with is that I’m sad about everything. That there are mistreated puppies in the world, that I’ll never get my 20’s back (even though I was depressed then, too), that eventually everyone I love is going to die. That I can’t seem to get a handle on this work assignment. That our politics are so toxic. That there are people out there who feel the exact same way I do. Basically this:
I guess I’m just saying that right now I’m not ok. I have to believe that I will be, and just settle into this for now.