A Burden

I post a LOT on social media. I’d like to say it’s for any one specific reason, but there are myriad of reasons that I over-post and over-share. I grew up staying quiet because of my stutter, so writing is the only way I know how to effectively communicate. And I get social anxiety, so connecting through the computer is an easy way to feel like I’m part of the world. Excuses, excuses.

But part of that means that I over-post on social media. Facebook, Twitter, Instagram. I’m a constant presence, and every time I post, I feel like I’m annoying people. This goes double (triple?) for when I talk about mental illness. I feel like a broken record. Like I can’t stop being a downer and making everyone feel sorry for me. That’s not my intent. I want to normalize mental health discussions, and to be honest about when I’m struggling. I also worry that it comes across as attention-grabbing. Sometimes it IS a cry for that lifeline of human connection, and I value people’s responses and messages more than I can say- the thing is that I don’t love myself, so I rely on outside confirmation that I’m not a burden on society. But that leads to feeling like a burden on people’s time. An attention grab. I don’t mean to. I just want to be honest and to connect with other people going through the same things.

Just remember that the unfollow button is open and available for anyone who finds my posts to be too much. For the rest of you, thank you. Your support means more than I can articulate. I have an incredible social network that’s made it clear that they’re rooting for me, and it’s literally saved my life on multiple occasions. Thank you.

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