Last week I was at a conference talking to an old friend over deep dish pizza (HELLO, CHICAGO!) and depression came up, as it does with me. Despite being so unable to shut up about it that I have both a blog and a podcast about it, I was at a loss when she asked … Continue reading What We Wish You Knew About Depression. Love, Depressed People
The first day in the partial hospitalization program (PHP) is all orientation, which is anticlimactic and not unlike college, albeit with more emphasis on pharmaceuticals and less on lower division requirements. I had gone in that day expecting to dive into self-betterment headfirst and instead received a syllabus of how the rest of my days … Continue reading Optimistic Stretching
Maybe it's really been dominating the news; maybe it's how I've curated my online world. Either way, celebrity suicide deaths seem to be everywhere (including the recent, like Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain. And with that, retelling the stories of others). Along with that comes reflection and endless opinions. So here's mine: there isn't one … Continue reading Suicide
I would arrive at the Chinatown Kaiser in the morning, never sure if I was allowed to park in the visitors’ spots. I mean, I’d be leaving later that day so why not? The last time I was there I was solidly, undeniably a patient, unable to leave the Unit III floor without an escort … Continue reading Partial Hospitalization, Part 1
In April of 2011, I was finishing up my MLIS and preparing to transition to working full-time in the office where I had been a student employee for two years. I knew that the level of anxiety that I had reached on a day-to-day basis would make my work there useless, so I thought I'd … Continue reading Being Sick but Being Good At It
That's what I'm calling the month of March 26-April 20. Or maybe "Girl, FUCKING Interrupted AGAIN UGH". Anyway. I thought I'd sort of write up a quick heads up, just in case I'm not around much...or am around way too much. I'm not sure which way I'll go. I am already a VERY frequent user … Continue reading Girl, Perpetually Interrupted
If you're uncomfortable with reading about self-harm and/or really bad depression... there's some pretty funny stuff up on McSweeney's today, maybe check that out instead of this. Otherwise...I have three scars on my left wrist- two on the inside and one on the outside- that are just over a month or so old. There's another, … Continue reading How I Got “Those Scars”
When you're in the middle of a white drug-like spell of anxiety or a weighty cloud of depression, it's hard to see outside of your own world. Getting out of bed its a herculean effort. Answering emails takes at least a couple minutes of psyching yourself up. Depression and anxiety are very solitary experiences. You don't … Continue reading It’s Not Just About Me
A year ago yesterday, I went to the Grove for the first time since I was a junior in college. That morning, one of my best friends and I went to get coffee the morning after making the mistake of mixing cheap vodka will Red Bull, in a way that only 20 year old undergrads … Continue reading Carrie, a Year Later
This is just a long, rambling reflection of the past year. It's really self-indulgent and probably isn't very insightful. I'm writing it down anyway. One year ago tonight I came home from The Abbey, where the Human Rights Campaign was having their official Los Angeles election party (obvs). But the more states that reported back, … Continue reading One Year Later
